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By Victoria Akpan
There’s just something about the New Year that screams, “Rejoice!” With 365 days of new opportunities, lovers, adventures, and in my case, January 2021, it meant jumping around my apartment when I finally finished my debut novel. I couldn't believe that my passion project, which I started at 19 and held onto while navigating adulthood, moving to two big cities, and losing my father, had reached its final page.
Having queried other works in high school, I was already familiar with the traditional publishing process and knew it was the route I wanted to take for my novel. What I didn’t know was the road to traditional publishing would be long, and put me through one of the biggest mental health battles of my life. I had never imagined that even after two years of completing my book, I would still be struggling to get it published, facing 31 rejections from literary agents. I never imagined that every setback, ugly cry, and uphill battle was shaping me to evolve into the woman I was called to be.
Whether you're well on your way or just beginning, here are five truths to remember while becoming the woman you are called to be:
Enjoy the journey
For the ambitious, high-achieving woman, slowing down can often feel like a setback—primarily when you're always focused on the finish line. However, it's crucial to remember that success is a journey, not just a destination. While you're busy ticking off tasks on your to-do list, staying late at the office, or skipping happy hour to work on your
business plans, it's essential to take a step back and appreciate the process. Do things that light up your soul and remind you that you don't need permission to prioritize yourself— it's a birthright. Get in the habit of celebrating your wins and accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Fall in love with yourself and the woman you're becoming. Remember to enjoy the journey, not just the end result.
Believe in what you're asking
Pablo Picasso once said, "Everything you can imagine is real." For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a writer. From writing my first story on my dad's typewriter at nine years old to the zines I created in college and all the blogs I had throughout the years, I never lost the vivid image of living the life I always dreamed of. It's important to understand that visualization is as crucial as the goal you are trying to achieve. It's not a coincidence that you envision owning a business, writing a bestseller, or earning a Ph.D. These visuals are your gifts, and if you have the vision, you have the ability to make it a reality.
Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it never will, and if you hold onto that belief, you will not only foster the dream, you will make it happen. You are deserving of success, and your persistent visualization of achieving greatness is a sign of your potential. Be patient with yourself, hold onto your vision, and believe in what you’re asking.
Not everyone is meant to stay in your story
One of the most painful truths you'll eventually learn is not everyone you meet on your journey will stay. Pay attention to those who clap for you when you win and those who are silent. It is crucial to keep in mind and not forget that just because someone has been in your life for a long time or they're a great clubbing buddy, it doesn't necessarily mean they align with you. Becoming the woman you are called to be requires taking inventory of the people in your life and placing them accordingly or removing them altogether. Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, support your dreams, and celebrate your successes. Prioritize your well-being, set boundaries, and never apologize for removing yourself from circles that no longer serve you.
Isolation is a prerequisite for success
We often talk about "the grind," but the pursuit of success comes with a unique loneliness that is not talked about nearly enough. As you progress through your journey and develop your craft, you will notice a shift in your mindset and the people you surround yourself with. You can't expect someone who doesn't share your vision to understand your drive to achieve your dreams. Likewise, you can't expect ambitiousness from those content with mediocrity. Don't let loneliness bring you down; use it as a catalyst for transformation.
Never tie your work to your worth
Having grown up without hearing much praise, I spent many years basing my worth on the opinions of others and my own performance. As ambitious women, sometimes we overextend ourselves or stay late at the office not because we are needed, but because we have convinced ourselves that our careers define us. You are not defined by your job, and your inherent value is not tied to your performance. You are valuable and worthy just for being you.
Ultimately, you are the most essential character in your story, so always make sure you’re happy with the book you’re writing, and if you’re not, start a new one. Enjoy the journey, be transformed by solitude, and always believe in what you’re asking. If you open your heart big enough, you will hear that calming voice within you reassuring you to keep fighting for her, for you.
About the Author
Victoria Akpan is an accomplished Executive Administrator and writer with a passion for travel, eating well, entrepreneurship, and empowering women. She is currently querying her debut novel and divides her time between San Diego and the Nordics.
@initialsva